


Outside Over There

by androids_fighting93



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Labyrinth AU, M/M, Teen for Swears, just picking and choosing which parts of canon i want to pay attention to don't worry about it, the AU that no one but me asked for, this is where i'm at in my life i guess!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androids_fighting93/pseuds/androids_fighting93
Summary: When Taako accidentally wishes for his sister to disappear, he doesn't expect the Raven Queen's emissary himself to show up... or for him to be so handsome. Determined to save Lup he is given thirteen hours to solve Kravitz's labyrinth before he forgets her forever. But Lup isn't going to be kept captive so easily...





	1. The Wish

**Author's Note:**

> So I picked up the Labyrinth novelization (did you know that got reprinted? Got lots of sick concept art from Brian Froud, check it out) and, feeling all nostalgic for the movie, had a moment of insanity imagining [Kravitz in David Bowie's costumes,](http://androidsfighting.tumblr.com/post/167325712276/anyway-heres-goblin-kingkravitz-because-ive) and thus an AU was born?! I guess this is where I'm at in my life! More notes following the chapter, but until then... play with me in this spaaaace.

_“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city_ …”

Taako’s voice trailed off, trying to recall the rest of the line as he made his way home, a heavy shopping bag slung over his shoulder. It was part of an old fairy tale, a story that his aunt had read to him and Lup as kids, about a girl who had to rescue her little brother, stolen away by the Raven Queen. They had asked for the story every night, though he couldn’t remember much of it beyond the ending now – that bit always stuck out in his mind, something powerful in the monologue that he kept finding himself coming back to lately. “For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great…” 

Again the rest of the quote escaped him, just on the tip of his tongue. He should have known it, he had playacted the whole scene with Lup so many times, but that was a long time ago. It must have been the weather reminding him of it now, storm clouds gathering rapidly overhead and bringing with them an early nightfall. It had been bright and sunny when he left, but the storm had rolled in quick and unexpected. It didn’t feel like a normal thunderstorm, something about it heavy and foreboding. As the wind swirled around him and the rain began to pick up he unfurled his umbrella (Lup’s umbrella, really, and she’d probably be pissed at him for using her incredibly powerful magical artifact to keep the rain off, but whatever) and picked up his pace, hoisting the overstuffed bag full of ingredients for dinner that night. A dinner he wouldn’t even be cooking.

Which was fine - Lup was an amazing chef in her own right, second only to himself. She had been gracious about taking on all of the cooking duties in the past months, but it still stung that she even had to. Taako desperately missed cooking, wished for nothing more than to get back in the kitchen where he belonged. But six months after _Sizzle It Up! With Taako_ met its untimely end, six months after he’d crawled back home to Lup after his final show in Glamour Springs, he still couldn’t bring himself to do more than prep ingredients for Lup if that. It was too risky, cooking for people he cared about, he couldn’t be trusted not to taint anything he fed people no matter how much Lup told him it would be fine.

He tried to shake off those dark thoughts, turning back to the story instead, but they lingered heavy as the storm clouds followed him home, the puddles splashing up on his boots souring his mood. Unnoticed by the elf a lone raven flew overhead, unruffled by the rain. It occasionally settled on a branch to watch him with bright, curious black eyes, never trailing far behind.

It was a relief to finally escape the rain. Taako cast a quick cantrip to dry off his wide-brimmed hat and folded up the Umbra Staff as he came into the little apartment he shared with his sister. It wasn’t much, the kitchen was abysmally small, a least he had his own bedroom now; they hadn’t been able to afford such luxuries since they’d lived with their aunt. He smiled sadly at the memory of that house from their childhood, how warm and inviting it had been, the smell of fresh bread always rising from the kitchen. No, this place didn’t look like much in comparison, but it was _theirs_.

The kitchen was empty, Lup nowhere to be seen, so he busied himself with putting away the groceries before the cold stuff went bad after the long walk back from the market, umbrella hooked over his elbow. “How about this storm, huh? Snuck right up on me.” He didn’t get an answer, but went on anyway, knowing Lup could hear him from her room down the hall. “Couldn’t find the cheese you wanted, so cheddar had best be good enough for your fancy ass…”

He trailed off as he turned around to set something down on the counter, startled by what was already lying there: a familiar old journal, open and face down, its edges scuffed and pages stained from years and years of use. He didn’t even have to look inside to remember all the recipes he’d written there, perfected by years of work. On the cover in glittering gold paint, now chipped at the edges, was the looping, swirling letters he’d painted so many years ago, back when having his own cooking show was nothing but a pipe dream. _Sizzle It Up!_ They proclaimed.

“Lup!" He yelled, snatching up the journal and catching the loose recipe cards and photos that threatened to fall out of it. He’d planned on copying all of these one day, publishing his recipes, another brick in the wall that was the Taako™ brand, but he hadn’t opened this book since the night that… well, since the show ended, since _everything_ ended. Hadn’t even taken the book out from under the bed where he’d shoved it, determined never to cook one of these recipes again.

“What?” The answering shout came muffled from Lup’s room. Taako stormed down the hall, journal gripped tight in one hand as he pushed open her door. She sat cross-legged on her bed, painting her nails an obnoxiously bright orange. She finally glanced up when he came to stand in front of her, arms crossed and scowling. “Yeah?”

“What were you doing with this?” He shoved the book in her face, but she just shrugged. “You can’t just go in my room and take my shit!”

She laughed, which only pissed him off more. “Uh, you’re one to talk! That’s my staff!” She pointed at the umbrella still dangling from his arm. “I just wanted to make those dope cookies you used to make, no biggie.”

“You can’t!” He clutched the book tighter. “You can’t use this.”

“Yeesh, Koko, it’s just a recipe.”

“Don’t call me that, _Lulu._ ” Lup hated her nickname even more than he hated his own, so he expected her glare, wanted to piss her off. He just didn’t know how to explain to her how the idea of anyone making his old recipes made him sick without sounding stupid. They were _his,_ they were special and they made _him_ special and then they had poisoned forty people. Lup knew what he had done, but she didn’t get it, he didn’t think he could ever make her get it.

_Roused by the shouting, the gerblins began to wake up. They were mischievous little things, always looking for ways to make trouble, and they delighted in the twin's arguments._

 

Outside Lup’s window the storm picked up, lightning flashing against the black sky, rain slamming into the closed window. Taako could see the trees outside bending in the wind. What he didn’t see was the flock of ravens perched on the tree just outside the window.

Lup finished her nails and stood up. “Dude, it’s been months, you’re being paranoid. I’m not gonna screw anything up.”

“Yes you will!”

She threw her hands up. “I’m sorry I took your book, alright? You've gotta chill out. They’re just cookies.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Taako snapped, tucking the book up under his arm as he turned on his heel. “Leave my recipes alone and leave _me_ alone.”

“Not happening, little bro, you’re stuck with me.”

He gritted his teeth. She was only three minutes older than him but she’d always held it over his head. “Well if I could wish for you to disappear I would.” Just like in the story. The girl had wished for her brother to be taken away and poof, he was gone in a flash of smoke. Too bad he didn’t have a spell for that. What were the words she had spoken? They, too, were right on the tip of his tongue.

_Unbeknownst to the twins, the gerblins’ ears perked up to listen. They could always hear when they were being talked about, and it had been a long time since anyone was foolish enough to call on them. They held their breaths in anticipation, just waiting for the right words. “Did he say it?” One whispered, and the others shushed it, one smacking it upside the head._

“Sharing a kitchen with you must have sucked!” Lup yelled after him as he stormed away, the rolling thunder booming at the same time as he slammed the door behind him. “Fucking drama queen!”

“I wish the Raven Queen _would_ come and take you away!” He shouted at the closed door. It was childish and he knew it even as he turned back around but he spoke without thinking, nearly compelled to say the words like they were being pulled from his tongue. “Right now!”

 

_Giggling to themselves, climbing over one another to be the first to get their hands on their new captive, the gerblins set out to do their work. All the while, the raven watched over them and waited._


	2. The Raven Queen's Emmisary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz makes an offer. Taako doesn't want to cooperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has read and subscribed so far! I wanted to have the next chapter written before posting this one, but I decided it was better not to go too long between updates. I'll try to keep us on a fairly regular schedule!

Taako didn’t wait for Lup to shout back at him before he went across the hall to his own bedroom, slamming the door shut as he tossed the book and the umbrella on the floor, which was already layered with junk and dirty laundry. He then threw himself face down onto his bed, pressing his face into a pillow and screaming out his frustration. Tree branches grasped at his window, buffeted by the storm, and thunder seemed to crack the sky in two. Somewhere outside a bell chimed, but he paid it no mind. He waited for Lup to follow him and continue the fight like she always did. Between his sass and her volatile temper their fights were frequent but quick as a flash flood – even now he knew that they would be over it in a couple of hours. They were twins, it was what they did.

A minute passed, and then another, but Lup didn’t come.

Well, good! Maybe she wouldn’t go snooping through his stuff again. He reached down to the floor and picked up the book, familiar in his hands, and hugged it tight to his chest. She should have known better. Known how much these recipes meant to him and how much it still sucked that he couldn’t use them again, that his career was over. Who would eat his cooking again after what he did?

Another minute went by with no sound but the storm pounding at his window. He sat up, looking warily at the door and trying to ignore his own nervousness. This wasn’t right. Lup never let anyone have the last word, least of all him, she never backed down from a fight. He… hadn’t actually said anything _that_ bad, had he?

“Lup?” He called, but she didn’t respond. When he picked up the Umbra Staff before leaving his room again, he told himself that it was just because he still needed to return it to its stand by the front door and definitely not because he was nervous. “You there, Lu?”

Nothing. It was almost eerily quiet – Lup wasn’t one to hide it when she was angry, if she was really upset she’d probably be lighting something on fire right now, or in the kitchen taking it out on an innocent head of broccoli, but sound traveled in this apartment and he hadn’t heard her leave her room. He knocked on the door – no response. He licked his lips, mouth dry. “Listen, Lulu… we can make the cookies if you want, alright?”

There was nothing that put Lup in a better mood faster than hearing that she was right all along, so Taako’s heart pounded when the pushed the door open. All the lights had been on just minutes ago, but now the room was dark, illuminated only when the lightning flashed outside, which only served to confuse his darkvision. Swallowing, Taako stepped inside. “Lulu, I don’t know where you’re hiding but this isn’t funny.”

She must have been hiding. Playing some stupid prank. The bed was too low to the ground to hide under so he went to the closet, pulling it open with one hand and clutching the Umbra Staff tight in the other.

Other than a pile of clothes littering the floor it was empty, and he leapt back with a startled shriek as the pile started moving, _squirming_ like some small creature was hiding underneath. A devilish giggle came from somewhere he couldn’t identify, and when he jabbed at the pile of fabric with the tip of the umbrella it stopped moving, only for more laughter to come from somewhere behind him. He spun around as shadows ducked out of sight and a shape moved underneath the blankets on Lup’s bed.

 _She can’t just be gone,_ he thought, chest tight with panic, turning this way and that to try and catch sight of the monsters tormenting him. _It’s just a story, it’s not real…_ He jumped as a dresser drawer slammed shut on its own, and something small and furry skittered over Taako’s foot. He jabbed the umbrella at the suddenly empty air, and all the while the wind blew harder and harder, the trees outside casting eerie shadows across the room.

A thump at the window drew Taako’s attention and he gasped, turning toward the sound. An enormous raven, black as ink, clawed at the window, wings flapping against the glass as if trying to get inside. Taako shrunk back. “What is this?” He shouted. “Lup! Where are you?”

As if by magic the latch on the window unlocked and opened, and Taako couldn’t help but shriek and cover his face as the raven flew inside, sure that it would fly at him, claw at his face and peck at his eyes in its own panic at being trapped indoors but the blows never came. The sounds all around the room quieted too, the snickering and the scratching claws, and trembling, Taako forced his armed away from his face, made himself open his eyes.

Before him stood not a bird but a man, the moon now peeking from behind the clouds illuminating him from behind. Tall and dark, head held high with a smirk playing across his lips as he looked down at Taako with an intensity that was mesmerizing. He was clad in a glittery, billowing, high-collared black cloak that blew in the wind. Beneath the cloak he wore a fitted black waistcoat detailed in intricate gold that matched the beads woven through his hair and high black boots. In one gloved hand he carried a scythe.

It was a pretty rad entrance, Taako had to admit; he had to stop himself from clapping. The shower of glitter that accompanied him was a nice touch, if impossible to get out of the carpet.

“Huh.” Taako swallowed, leaning on the handle of the Umbra Staff as he looked the man up and down. “Okay – no judgement, fuck labels, gender isn’t real etcetera – but I kinda figured the Raven Queen would be a lady?”

The haughty smirk faded from the stranger’s lips, and his brow furrowed. “What? No, I’m not – I’m not _her._ She doesn’t make _house calls._ ”

“Who the fuck are you, then?”

“Her emissary, obviously!”

“Oh, gotcha. I dig the accent, real posh. What’s your name, thug?” Taako asked distractedly, aiming the Umbra Staff at the floor beneath the emissary’s feet, a spell on the tip of his tongue.

He gave a small bow, which Taako resisted the absurd urge to return. “Kravitz. Why?”

“So’s I know who to credit in the tentacle porn I’m about to make with your body.”

Kravitz stepped back. “I’m not here to hurt you, Taako. That – that really won’t be necessary.”

“Won’t be if you tell me what you did to my sister in the next thirty seconds.” Taako raised the staff, pointing it square at Kravitz’s chest. He raised his hands in a show of surrender, the scythe in his hand vanishing in a puff of smoke blown away by the wind, but his smirk returned.

“What _I_ did? That was all you, my good man.” God, his tone was downright infuriating, all haughty and superior. “Your wish, my command.”

“But I didn’t mean it!” Taako winced at how shrill he sounded.

“Didn’t you?”

“It – it’s just some dumb story, I didn’t actually want her gone!”

Kravitz shrugged, even had the gall to look bored. “What you _meant_ is of little consequence to me. You’re a wizard, yes? You of all people should understand the power in words. Names, stories, _wishes._ What’s said is said.”

“Where is she?”

“Nowhere where you’ll find her.”

“But she’s somewhere.”

Kravitz raised his eyebrows and Taako could swear he almost looked impressed. He was incredibly handsome, all high cheekbones and smoldering eyes, all of which Taako had the decency to feel a little bad for noticing. But only a little.

“Look, bud, I dig your style, but I’m not playing around here. Bring my sister back or I blast you straight back to wherever the fuck you came from.”

“Taako,” Kravitz said imploringly as he stepped forward into Taako’s space, ignoring the umbrella aimed at his heart. Damn it. He had probably guessed that if Taako hadn’t already attacked, it wasn’t going to happen. Taako sucked in a breath at his sudden closeness, the _cold_ emanating from his body – not just cold but a complete absence of warmth. “Go back to your room. Forget her. Doesn’t she infuriate you? She can’t understand you, Taako.”

Taako laughed sharply. Sure, Lup could piss him off, but there was no one who knew him better. “Nice try.”

“I’ve brought you a gift.”

“Not interested,” he said, though his eyes were on Kravitz’s hand when he raised it. From thin air a clear orb appeared, reflecting Taako’s own face back at him upside down. Kravitz passed the ball back and forth between his hands, and it almost appeared to stand still in thin air, mesmerizing. “What is it?”

“Only a crystal. But if you look into it just right…” He paused, letting the ball hover in the air, allowing Taako to peer into it. “It will show you your dreams.”

It was beautiful, drawing his eyes in deeper and deeper and eventually he stopped seeing their reflections – if he focused he swore he could see himself on a stage, the crowd before him cheering, loving his act, loving _him_. His breath caught in his throat at the familiar scene that he missed so much, before his fatal mistake had disgraced him. He started to reach for it before he knew what he was doing, but Kravitz drew his hand back, smirking.

“Then forget her,” he said, calm and almost kind, “and it will all be yours.”

Taako swallowed, mouth dry as his eyes remained fixed on the shimmering, dancing images in the crystal. His hands clenched at his sides. Somehow this man knew everything Taako wanted, and here he was offering it.

As he stood there lightning flashed again, thunder following close behind. The sudden noise jolted Taako out of his trance and he shook his head, feeling utterly stupid. This was just illusion magic, poking around in his head to show him what he wanted to see, it wasn’t real, and sure enough as he told himself this the images faded away, the crystal only that again.

“Taako’s good,” he said flippantly, and Kravitz drew his hand back, grip on the crystal tightening, nostrils flaring.

“I will not offer again.”

“It’s a good trick, don’t get me wrong, but all I want is my sister back. She must be so pissed at me.”

“Taako,” and Kravitz’s voice grew harsh all of the sudden, and before Taako’s eyes the flesh seemed to melt from his face, leaving behind bone and flaming red where his eyes should have been. The crystal was gone, replaced by the scythe once again, as Kravitz’s cloak whipped around him as if blown by the wind. And Taako could _feel_ the magic radiating from him, crackling through the air, making every hair on Taako’s arms stand on end. “Don’t defy me.”

Taako stepped back, startled by the sudden change. Behind them the little monsters cackled, as if amused by his plight, but of course as Taako spun to get a look at the gerblins they darted out of sight, giggling at their little game. “Don’t you get that I don’t have a choice? She’s my sister. I have to get her back. That’s all there is to it.”

“Then how about a game?” Kravitz said, and his bare skull was already grinning but the light where his eyes should have been seemed to grow brighter. “I love that sort of thing, wagers and all that. I’m sure it will be very amusing.”

He didn’t wait for an answer before he turned back to the window and swung his scythe at the air. Before Taako’s eyes a rift seemed to tear open in space, black and incomprehensible and growing wider and wider until it engulfed Lup’s bedroom. Taako had to shut his eyes as its edges passed by him, momentarily overwhelmed, and when he opened them again they were somewhere else entirely. They stood high on windswept hilltop, side by side, and in the distance Taako saw a castle with turrets and spires and domes, the whole shebang. It sat at the center of a low valley that seemed dominated by an enormous maze, the scale of it making Taako a little dizzy as he tried to follow its twists and turns, it’s gateways and dead ends, but there was no way to see from here which way would lead him to the center.

“She’s there,” Kravitz said close to Taako’s ear, and Taako stiffened, startled but determined not to show it. “In my castle." 

“The Eternal Stockade,” Taako said, breathless as he turned to look at Kravitz. Muscle and skin were beginning to knit back over his skull. Honestly, if he’d wanted Taako to come willingly he could have just stayed handsome, but Taako didn’t let him know that.

“You know your mythology.”

“I know enough.” Taako took a deep breath, looking back at the labyrinth stretching out below them. It didn’t look that far, but looks could be deceiving.

"She's perfectly safe, of course, though I'll say she's quite a fighter. She would make an excellent addition to my Queen's court...”

"I'll play your stupid game," Taako interrupted. "I get to the castle, I get Lup back. Is that the deal?" 

“You can still turn back. Before it’s too late.”

“Not a chance, bone daddy.” He winked. “If that’s where you’re keeping Lup, that’s where I’m going.”

Something in Kravitz’s expression twisted. For a moment he almost seemed regretful, gaze intense as it stayed locked on Taako’s face. The expression passed before Taako could think much of it, and Kravitz gestured to a barren, scraggly tree beside them, and magic hummed in the air, in everything around them, like every part of this world Taako had found himself in responded to Kravitz’s whims and fancies. A clock was hanging there as if growing from the branches, and though Taako knew it had only just appeared it seemed like it had always been there. It’s numbers went up to thirteen, and it had more hands than seemed strictly practical, some of them moving at lightning speed, others standing still.

“You have thirteen hours to solve the labyrinth,” Kravitz told him, “before you forget your sister… forever.”

Forever. Those were high stakes. Taako locked eyes with Kravitz and plastered on a grin. “Neat. Where do I start?”

Kravitz shook his head, and he seemed to fade from existence before Taako’s very eyes, stepping back. Once again, he seemed nearly sad as he looked at Taako. “A pity," he said, and then Taako was alone on the hilltop.

Taking a deep breath, he looked again at the castle. For a moment he could swear he saw the silhouette of a raven flying high above it, gliding on the air as it disappeared into the distance.

“Right.” Taako stepped to the edge of the hillside. It was a long drop, and steep. His boots were already wrecked enough by the rain earlier, he wasn’t about to scuff them up by rolling down a hill, too. Unfurling the umbra staff, he raised it over his head. _Here goes nothing_ , he thought, and jumped.


	3. Into the Labyrinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako recieves some helpful (?) advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I wanted this to be longer but now that I'm looking at it I just want it out so I can work on the next part lol. Will try to get the next chapter up sooner.
> 
> Edit: tumblr user theyjustwalkoffthedamnthing drew some lovely fanart!!! Go check it out at the link below!
> 
> https://theyjustwalkoffthedamnthing.tumblr.com/post/167720023075/androidsfighting-heres-a-taako-for-your-kravitz

As soon as Taako jumped, the spell in the Umbra Staff activated, slowing his fall so that he simply drifted gently through the air. Maybe it was silly to waste a spell so early – but then, he doubted that Kravitz would tolerate him just levitating over the maze to find his way. As he drifted closer he saw a person standing near the base of the maze walls, unnoticed from the top of the hill. He drifted further, letting the wind carry him until his toes touched the ground just a few feet away from the stranger, who seemed to be tending to some strange vining plants crawling up the walls. For just a second Taako could have sworn that eyeballs looking out at him from the blue flowers sprouting from the plant, but when they blinked closed they could have just as easily been a trick of his imagination.

“Hail and well met!” He called out, and startled, the little man turned away from the plants.

He was dwarfish old man, with a big gray beard in two braids and a shiny bald head, what hair he had left pulled back in a ponytail. Tucked under his arm was a thick paperback book, but the arm itself was what drew Taako’s attention – it was less of an arm, actually, and more of a gnarled tree branch, four smaller branches where fingers should have been.

“Well! ‘Scuse me,” the dwarf said, gathering himself. He had a gruff voice and only one eye, the left one covered by an eyepatch. “Have you come to hear the good word of Pan?”

“Who’s Pam?”

 _"Pan,_ ” the dwarf grumbled, holding out his dog-eared old book – _Extreme Teen Bible_ , it called itself - which looked like it had seen better days. Taako wrinkled his nose.

“Nah, my dude. Just looking for a door,” Taako said, craning his neck to look up at the stone walls that towered before them. Now he could see that levitating would have been useless anyway, it would be way too high to risk the fall.

“Aw, well. Pan loves you anyway. Name’s Merle Highchurch.”

“Taako. Y’know, from TV.”

Merle blinked. “What’s a TV?”

“Dunno, I haven’t invented it yet.” He put his hands on his hips, surveying the walls before him. There didn’t seem to be any sort of opening, not before them or anywhere as far as he could see. Kravitz wouldn’t have done something as unfair as drop him on the wrong side of the labyrinth, would he? It would take hours to walk around this whole thing trying to find the door. It would certainly be an effective way to make sure he didn’t reach Lup in time, but somehow Taako doubted that this was the case. No, Kravitz had said he loved games like this, it wouldn’t be any fun for him if Taako didn’t pose some kind of challenge. He would want to play with Taako for a while. So. There must have been something he was missing, here.

Merle was back to tending his plants, which now that Taako was closer he could see had not only eyes but sharp rows of teeth. He hummed as he worked, scolding them under his breath when they tried to nip at his fingers. Taako waited a moment, tapping his foot, and then cleared his throat. “So where is it?”

“Where’s what?” Merle didn’t look up from his work, spritzing each blossom with a bit of water.

“The door.”

“What door?”

“The door into the labyrinth!”

“Door into the labyrinth, ha!” Merle chuckled to himself. Taako didn’t know what was so hilarious.

With a huff, Taako went up to the wall himself, but it appeared to be just that – a towering, blank stone wall. He touched it and his hands came away with a light layer of glitter stuck to them, which he tried in vain to shake off. “Okay, you’re just being difficult. No help at all,” he said.

“You didn’t ask for my help!” Merle pointed out. “Go _in_ the labyrinth, honestly. You some kind of adventurer?”

“Just a simple idiot wizard,” he said with a little bow. He was this close to just trying to fireball the wall down, but somehow he doubted that would make a dent. “My dude, I don’t have a lot of time here. I have to find my way through this place.”

“So what do you want to know?”

“How do I get into the Labyrinth? Kinda thought that was obvious from context clues!”

Finally Merle smiled up at him. For a moment magic hummed in the air again, the same sort of feeling as when Taako was around Kravitz; it made him shiver a little, made him glance over his shoulder to see if Kravitz was back. Maybe he’d already gotten tired of waiting to Taako to fumble his way inside. “Well, you get in right there, of course,” said Merle.

Taako spun to look where Merle was gesturing, to his right a few feet down the wall. Where before there had been crumbling old stone was now an iron gate, with grotesque gerblin faces molded into the metal. One side of the gate swung open now as if it has just been waiting to be noticed.

“More of a gate than a door, y’see,” Merle explained.

“That wasn’t there before!”

“Yeah, you get a lot of that ‘round these parts. It’s all about looking at things the right way,” Merle said, tapping his eyepatch with his index finger. “Nothing’s as it seems in the labyrinth.”

Taako stepped up to the gate, eyeing it warily, and peered around to look inside the maze. It stretched out from left to right, on and on seemingly without end, just more crumbling walls and debris littering the path. “What’s the right way?” He asked.

“Sometimes upside down, sometimes inside-out.”

Pondering how one would go about looking at a thing inside-out, Taako steeled himself before he took the first step past the gate. No turning back now. He took a deep breath, looking again and his two options, left or right. There didn’t seem to be any turns or openings. Kind of a shitty maze.

On stubby legs, Merle waddled after him, lingering at the gate. “You really gonna go in there, kid?”

“Don’t have a choice. So. Left or right? Which way would you go?”

“Me?” Merle shrugged. “I wouldn’t go either way.”

Taako fought very hard against the urge to stamp his foot. He wondered if everyone in this place was so difficult or if it was just this guy. “You know, if you’re not going to be any help you can just leave.”

“No skin off my back!” Merle said cheerfully. “You know what your problem is, kid – you take everything for granted! Won’t the time to look at thing a little closer! That won’t get you to the castle, lemme tell ya. Don’t see why you’d want to, personally.”

“Thanks for the psychoanalysis, I’m so grateful.” Left or right, right or left? Did it matter? He chose right at random, but he didn’t have a clue if that was a smart choice. “Like I said, I don’t have a choice.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

Taako turned to say something clever or snarky, but when he looked over his shoulder the dwarf was already gone. He wanted to think _good riddance,_ but in truth the endless path before him seemed a lot more daunting now that he was alone here. With the umbra staff over his shoulder, he began his long walk, one foot in front of the other, clambering over fallen rocks and tree roots.

And he walked.

And he walked.

Nothing changed. No turns, no openings or gateways, even a dead end would have been more welcome than the same long corridor on and on. If he looked behind him he couldn’t tell how far he had come, if he looked ahead he couldn’t see how far he would have to go until he hit a wall. “What kind of labyrinth doesn’t have any turns?” He muttered to himself, pausing to look closer at a wall. It all looked the same.

Or did it? Maybe he was looking at it all wrong once again. Maybe he was taking it for granted that the corridor went on forever. Maybe just when he stopped looking so hard he would see…

He ran and ran, until his legs burned and he was nearly tripping over the roots and debris in his way, but still the labyrinth didn’t open to him. Chest heaving, he slumped against a wall, ready to scream in frustration. He was wasting time in this endless loop and Lup was in that castle _alone_ and he was going to forget her, he couldn’t forget her, he wouldn’t let it happen. But Kravitz held all the cards here, and Taako was at the mercy of his creation. A rigged game.

“It’s not fucking fair,” he grumbled to himself, kicking a rotting tree branch on the ground nearby and then sitting down, back against the wall. As he sat there, catching his breath, the small furry head of a mongoose poked out of a hole in the wall, sniffing at him curiously. He didn’t notice it was there until it chirped, “Hello!”

Taako turned his head and stared at the source of the voice. He glanced around but there was no one else around but the mongoose. “Sup,” he said cautiously. It bared its teeth at him, which Taako guessed counted as a smile, if you were a mongoose. A talking mongoose; well, he supposed he shouldn’t have taken it for granted that they _couldn’t_ talk. “Do you know the way through the labyrinth?”

“Me?” The mongoose shook its head. “Nah, I’m just a mongoose.”

“Oh.” He sighed. Worth a shot.

“You look tired, dear, why don’t you come inside and have a bite to eat, meet the missus?”

Taako eyed the hole that the mongoose had popped out of, which hardly looked big enough for it to wriggle through itself, let alone a full-grown elf. “No, thank you. I need to get through this labyrinth. But there aren’t any openings, it just goes on and on.”

“What! Why, it’s full of openings, just look!” The mongoose nodded at the wall in front of them.

Taako looked, but the wall didn’t betray its secrets. It was just brick and mildew and lichen growing all across it. “No it isn’t.”

“You just ain’t looking right. There’s an opening right across there. Come inside, have a nice hot cuppa tea before you go.”

“There isn’t an opening,” Taako insisted, standing up and stepping across the corridor. “It’s just a wall.”

The mongoose shook its little head, and it seemed amused by him. “Nothing’s as it seems in this place.”

Merle had said something like that too. _Nothing is as it seems_. There didn’t seem to be any logic or reason to this place, or perhaps there was _too_ much logic; either way he had to change the way he thought about things. Feeling rather stupid even as he did so, he stepped forward again, toward the wall, and though it still seemed like just a regular wall he took a second step, sure that he would walk straight into the brick.

He stepped through the wall, into a new passageway. Laughing with surprise and delight, he poked his head back through to the old passageway, and good riddance to it too. “Thank you!” He said. “You’re way more helpful than that dwarf, let me tell ya.”

“Sure you can’t stay, dear? I’ve got the kettle on, it’s no trouble…”

The mongoose’s hospitality was lost on Taako, who was eager to finally make some progress in this awful place. “Gotta go!”

Before he could get any further he heard a squeaky little shout from the mongoose. “Not that way!”

“What was that?”

“I said, don’t go that way! Never that way!”

“You’re the best, mongoose!” Taako darted off again, to the left this time.

The mongoose sighed, relieved to have helped the boy escape such an awful fate as what awaited him down the right-hand path. “Whew! If he had kept going that way, he’d have gone straight to that horrible old castle!”  

* * *

Kravitz lounged in his chambers in the castle, a crystal orb balanced on one finger. Its magic allowed him to watch Taako’s progress through the labyrinth, and he did so now, as the elf made it through the initial trickery of the first gate and began to wander through the maze proper.

He was picking up on how things worked around here rather quickly - how to look at things more closely and never take anything at face value, how to ask the right questions. Of course, the dwarf hanging about the entrance had been a little too ready to help - Kravitz made a note of this. He did have to laugh as Taako chose exactly the wrong path, the one that lead away from the castle instead of directly toward it, just like everyone else who tried to walk to the labyrinth.

None of this was enough to worry Kravitz - plenty of trespassers made it this far into the maze, and very few got further. It was all so… predictable. Almost boring. Kravitz sighed and dismissed the orb, tossing it up into the air where it popped like a soap bubble. He didn’t need to watch Taako’s every move because he knew exactly what to expect. Either Taako would grow frustrated and turn back once he realized how tightly the labyrinth held onto its secrets, or he would find himself trapped somewhere; either way he would run out of time long before he reached the castle. Then Lup wouldn’t even be a distant memory.

And speaking of Lup… Kravitz yawned and stretched before he sat up, conjuring another crystal. He had not checked in on the girl since she had been brought in. “Barry,” he called, and within a moment the bespectacled face of one Barry Bluejeans appeared. He looked rather sweaty and nervous, but Barry was almost always sweaty and nervous. He was also one of the most competent necromancers ever to live, and so the Raven Queen had taken him into her court in order to stop him from causing any more trouble. “How is our guest settling in?” He asked, lazily juggling the orb from hand to hand.

Barry cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up his nose. The movement of the crystal seemed to be making him a little dizzy. “Well, she took out a wall in the east corridor with a fireball on the way in, so that was a really fun time for me, great day all around. I’ve got some of the gerblins working on repairing that.”

“Terrific.” Kravitz sighed. He hated any of the gerblins that inhabited the city below coming into the Eternal Stockade. They were loud, messy, cantankerous creatures, more trouble than they were worth  - though their utter stupidity made them excellent minions, causing all kinds of trouble for anyone who found themselves lost in the labyrinth, And their ferocity made it nearly impossible for anyone to fight their way through the city that surrounded the castle. He tolerated them, but he preferred they stay out of the castle and give him some peace and quiet. Perhaps it was too quiet, at times, but Kravitz didn’t dwell on how much time he spent alone.

Perhaps when the thirteen hours were up, and Lup became the newest recruit to the Raven Queen’s court, she would add some much needed excitement to the place. At least she would be a better conversationalist than the gerblins.

“Otherwise, everything is secured,” Barry finished his report. “She’s not going anywhere.”

“You see to that.” Barry’s face faded from the crystal, replaced once again with an image of Taako, making his way through the twists and turns that made up Kravitz’s creation.

 _Taako_. He… intrigued Kravitz more than he wanted to admit, when he would have given hardly a thought to a trespasser in his domain before. Perhaps it was the fierceness with which he defended his sister, the ease with which he refused the temptations offered to him, the  lack of fear in his eyes when he confronted Kravitz. He could think of very few people who had ever stared him down that way. He watched with a smirk as Taako cast a series of simple spells, making marks on the cobblestones to remind himself which direction he had already tried. It didn’t stick, of course. Little goblins that hid beneath the stones caught on to his ploy quickly, and they turned the stones to face the other way or flipped them over to hide the markings entirely.

But it was _clever_ , and that got Kravitz’s attention. He passed the crystal from hand to hand, smiling despite himself, and watched Taako’s progress.


	4. Two Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup makes a friend, and Taako gets smarter.

Needless to say, Lup was _pissed._

The room she found herself in - with very little recollection of how she had ended up here - was circular, with unnaturally smooth stone walls, a small bed against the wall and an equally small table and nothing else. There wasn’t even a door, no openings that she could see other than a small window high above her head, so Lup had no idea how she had been able to enter the room in the first place. The window was a no go, as far as escaping went, too high to reach without magic and even then she wouldn’t have been able to squeeze through the bars, not unless she could shrink herself or something. Transmutation had never been her thing, though, that was Taako’s forte; Lup had very little patience for learning any spells that didn’t have the immediate effect of lighting something on fire or blowing something up.

Right now this skill wasn’t doing her any good. She had been pounding the walls with fireballs since she came to, but it didn’t have any effect. Some kind of warding on the walls that made it impervious, maybe; she didn’t care much about the specifics. Her next fireball she threw at the bed, momentarily satisfied when it burst into flames, but when it was done she was no closer to escaping and now she didn’t have a bed to throw herself onto dramatically. Just great.

“I’m coming for you, fuckers!” She shouted at the ceiling, sure that someone was watching even if she couldn’t see or hear them. “You’re gonna regret this!”

She’d hardly had time to see the face of her attacker before she had ended up here. She remembered thunder, of course, and Taako slamming the door before all her lights had suddenly gone out - so dark that her darkvision didn’t even adjust to it quickly enough before there were hands, no, _claws_ all over her, laughing and screeching as they dragged her down down down into the dark, through the floor into… somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn’t home, wasn’t like anywhere she had ever seen. Of course she had fought back, hurling fireballs left and right at the gerblins who held her, but it hadn’t made a difference. She hadn’t seen another soul since being thrown into this room, this room that now didn’t even have a door.

She couldn’t fathom why she had been kidnapped but she also didn’t much care. They hadn’t hurt her, she was just stuck, and Lup wasn’t thinking about herself right now, she was thinking about how to get to Taako. He was in danger, Lup could feel it - one of those twin intuitions, she guessed. He needed her and she was locked up in here and she felt so _useless._

Lup stood up straighter as a part of the wall across from her - _moved?_ A section of the wall pushed open like a door, though Lup had inspected every inch of the wall for hidden doors or traps and found nothing. She stepped back cautiously, but what came through the wall was… possibly the least intimidating thing she’d ever seen, and certainly the last thing she expected. The man before her was short and a little chubby, and he wore socks with sandals and faded jeans all beneath a red robe. He held a tray of food in his hands, and as he came in he faltered, staring wide-eyed at Lup and blushing. After a moment he gathered himself and offered her a kind, if nervous, smile as he set the tray down on the table. “Great, you’re awake,” he said.

He turned back to the door, which he had shut behind him - and there it was, like it had always been there, and Lup stared at the stranger incredulously as he peeled the door, handle and all, away from the wall like it was a strip of wallpaper. The familiar blank, smooth stone was left behind. He folded it carefully and tucked it in the pocket of his jeans, and finally turned back to Lup.

“What the shit?” She said, gesturing at the wall.

“Oh, yeah! Pretty cool, right?” The man grinned, still blushing.

“Super cool! How does that even work?” She remembered that she was supposed to be a prisoner here and cleared her throat, scowling at the stranger. “I mean - what do you want with me?”

His face fell. “I, uh, I brought you some food. Thought you might be hungry.” He gestured to the tray he had brought in. There was a bowl of some kind of chunky soup, and a hunk of bread. It smelled amazing, but Lup didn’t make a move toward it. “Um. It’s not, like, poisoned. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Doesn’t make much sense to poison your prisoner.” Lup said. She immediately felt bad when she saw how sad he looked. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Least I can do, right?” He shuffled back and forth uncomfortably. Lup tried to ignore his socks and sandals; she felt a lot better about his whole everything if she pretended they weren’t there. “I’m Barry, by the way. Barry Bluejeans.”

“I’m sorry, you’re fucking _whom?_ ”

“Uh. Barry J. Bluejeans. Why are you laughing?”

She couldn’t help it, doubling over and wiping a tear from her eye. The sandals didn’t seem nearly as bad in comparison to his god-given name. “Nothing, nothing. Oh man that’s so good.”

“Just my name,” he mumbled, face bright red.

“No no, it’s good, it’s good,” she assured him, finally catching her breath. The shy smile returned to his face and Lup grinned back as he pushed his thick-framed glasses up on his nose. He was… actually kind of cute. Awkward as hell, but maybe that made him cuter. He looked so out of place here.

“So, uh, sorry about all this,” he said, gesturing around the cell.

“Yeah, where the hell am I?”

“The Eternal Stockade. It’s a bad name. I didn’t pick it, I just work here.”

“No shit. Like in the stories?” That just  created more questions than it answered. “But why? Is Taako locked up too?”

He blinked at her, brow furrowed. “You should eat,” he said, without making eye contact.

“I’m not hungry.” She stepped closer. She was taller than him, but to his credit he stood his ground. “Where’s my brother, Barry?”

“He’s here - not here in the castle, I mean outside, in the labyrinth.” Barry shook his head. “I should go, I’m not supposed to be telling you anything.”

“What’s the harm? Doesn’t look like I’m going anywhere, you’ve got the only door.” She tapped her foot impatiently.

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’ll start throwing fireballs at me if I piss you off, so.”

She didn’t throw a fireball, but she did conjure a flame, right on the tip of her finger. “I don’t want to hurt you, Bluejeans.”

“Jesus, alright -” He raised his hands in surrender. Lup almost felt bad, it was way too easy to intimidate him.

She waited and listened as Barry explained it to her - how she had ended up here, and the deal that Taako had struck with Kravitz. How he was out there right now, trying to make his way to the castle and save her, like she was some kind of damsel in distress. How he’d wished her away, and how if he didn’t make it in time, she would soon join Barry and Kravitz in the court of the Raven Queen.

“How long do we have left?” She demanded once Barry was done with his explanation.

“About… nine hours and twenty-three minutes,” Barry answered.

“Okay. Okay okay okay, that’s not so bad,” she said, beginning to pace around the room. Taako was smart, brilliant even, though he didn’t always believe that. How hard could it be to get through the labyrinth? “How long do people usually take?”

Barry hesitated. “They… _don’t._ Lup, no one gets through the labyrinth.”

Lup shook her head. “Horseshit.”

“It’s basically designed to lead you back to the beginning, or trap you, or make you give up. I don’t even know how to get through in one piece.”

“Well then that’s not much of a deal, then, is it?” She snapped. Fuck this place and fuck this Kravitz guy, whoever he was; she was getting out. “Look, can you bust me out of here?”

“What? No!”

“My brother is out there and he’s in danger. You don’t want to be the one keeping me from him. Please, Barry.”

Barry was stepping back; he shook his head, pulling the folded-up door from his pocket and spreading it out on the wall. He looked back at her as he opened the door, but he couldn’t meet her eye. “I’m... really sorry, Lup.”

He seemed like he really meant it. She was silent as he left, the door vanishing the moment that he closed it behind him. She went to the wall, feeling it for any hint of an opening that might remain, but as she expected it was smooth and unbroken again.

She hurled another fireball at the spot where Barry had opened the door anyway, just for good measure.

* * *

Taako much preferred this section of the labyrinth to the long, unending stretches he had been trapped in before. The walls were still too high to even consider levitating over, looming over him all foreboding and casting long, dark shadows, but at least there were twists and turns here, and the occasional staircase which made for a good change of pace. Each time he took a turn he marked the way with a spell burned into the stone floor. When he ran across a dead end, he marked the path that lead to it with an X. He was rather pleased with himself for this little trick. This way he could save time instead of accidentally going down the same paths when everything looked the same here.

Well, theoretically. Taako stopped at a crossroads, hands on his hips. He looked ahead of him, and then behind him.

He was sure that he had been here just minutes ago. He’d passed through lots of crossroads like this one, but he specifically recognized that rock in the corner that looked vaguely like a fish. But he had been marking his turns, he could see the marks right below his feet. He shouldn’t have ended up back here…

“Just a simple mistake,” he said out loud, though there was noone around to hear him - in fact, he hadn’t seen or heard a soul since the helpful mongoose, and silence was starting to creep him out. Ending up back here was frustrating, a waste of time, but this was a maze after all, it was kind of what he had signed up for. At least it wasn’t a dead end.

“Alright, let’s try this way…” He cast the spell with a flick of his wrist as he made for the left-hand path, burning an arrow into the stone. It glowed for a moment before going dark, smoldering with a little puff of smoke.

Only minutes later later he came across the fish-rock again and he shouted, “Oh, come on! What the fuck!”

His outburst startled something that gave a squeak, and Taako turned quickly toward the sound. A furry, snout-nosed little gerblin, barely tall enough to come up to Taako’s knees, had come up from beneath the very cobblestone that Taako had just marked and was holding it upside down, so that when he ducked back down the arrow would be face-down. Taako jabbed at the gerblin viciously with his umbrella, making it jump back and drop it’s cobblestone to the ground with a clatter.

“You! You’ve been changing my marks!” He jabbed at it again for good measure, and this time it ran off to cause trouble somewhere else. Taako sighed in frustration. He wouldn’t be able to tell which paths he had already taken if all of his marks had been erased or turned around. It had all been a total waste of time. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” He asked of no one in particular.

“PLEASE SELECT A DOOR.”

Taako turned slowly toward the new voice, stilted and robotic. Before him, when a moment ago it had just been another corridor, were two doors, and in front of the two doors sat two robots, identical except for their colors - one red and one blue - blocking the way. Taako blinked a few times to be sure his eyes weren’t playing some trick on him, because they looked so out of place here. But they didn’t look particularly threatening, more like toys than anything. He glanced back behind him and in the time it had taken him to look at the robots, the crossroad had disappeared, replaced by a dead end.

Not only were his directions to himself useless, the place kept changing. It didn’t want him to make any progress.

“Screw you, Kravitz,” Taako muttered, and turned back to the robots. They hadn’t moved. “Hey, my dudes.”

The one on the left, the red one, spoke first. “WE ARE HODGE -”

“- AND PODGE -” The blue one chimed in.

“THE BUDDY BOTS.” They finished in unison. “PLEASE, SELECT A DOOR.”

Taako hesitated. He knew better than to choose at random, at this point - nothing about this place wanted him to make progress easily. “Where do the doors lead?”

“ONE DOOR LEADS TO THE CASTLE.”

“THE OTHER LEADS TO CERTAIN DEATH.” At this, Podge’s eyes glowed red and it’s voice lowered ominously.

Yikes. “Cool cool cool cool, gotcha, and which is which?”

“THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY.”

“YOU MUST MAKE A CHOICE BASED ON A SIMPLE PUZZLE.”

“A CHILD’S GAME.”

Taako shrugged, leaning on the umbra staff. “Lay it on me.”

Some gears and mechanics whirred inside of Hodge, and after it settled, it spoke again. “YOU MAY ASK ONE QUESTION. ONE OF US WILL ALWAYS ANSWER WITH THE TRUTH…”

“AND THE OTHER WILL ALWAYS LIE. PLEASE STATE YOUR QUESTION.”

Taako bit his lip, looking back and forth between the two waiting robots. Simple his ass. He was vaguely familiar with the game - elves were all about that kind of thing, logic puzzles and riddles and all that, training a strong mind. Unfortunately, Taako had never been very good at them - he didn’t consider himself a particularly smart man.

It wouldn’t be hard to figure out which one was the liar - all he would have to do was ask an obvious question. But he didn’t have questions to spare - just one to figure out which door would lead him to certain death. And with all of the hours he had wasted in the maze already, he couldn’t pass up a chance to take a shortcut to the castle, if that was what the doors had to offer.

“PLEASE STATE YOUR QUESTION!”

“WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY.”

“Oh, what else do you have to do? Shut up, I’m trying to think.” Taako clicked his tongue. “I know there’s a question I can ask both of your and it doesn’t matter who I ask.” He just couldn’t remember what that question was.

“PLEASE. WE ARE SO BORED,” whined Hodge.

“SO VERY BORED,” Podge echoed.

Taako’s eyes narrowed, and he pointed at Hodge. “Okay. Answer yes or no. Would _he…_ ” He nodded toward Podge. “Tell me that this door…” He pointed at the door that Hodge guarded. “Leads to the castle?”

The robots were silent. Taako grinned as he waited for them to answer. Their gears whirred and their heads turned toward each other as they made little beeping sounds - probably trying to figure out any flaw in Taako’s reasoning. He was sure there was none, that he had figured it out.

“YES.” Hodge said. It sounded uncertain.

“Then the other door leads to the castle, and your door leads to certain death.”

Hodge and Podge whirred in annoyance. “HE COULD BE TELLING THE TRUTH,” said Hodge.

“Then you wouldn’t be,” Taako answered. “So if you tell me that he would say yes, I know the answer is no.”

Despite not having facial expressions, the robots seemed very dejected. “ _I_ COULD BE TELLING THE TRUTH,” said Hodge.

“Then the answer is still no! If you’re telling the truth then he’s lying. Well? Am I right?”

It took another few moments of whirring and beeping, but eventually a half-hearted fanfare played from the robots as they moved to the side, leaving the doors unguarded and ready to be opened. “CONGRATULATIONS,” they said in unison, void of emotion.

“You know,” Taako said, skipping past the robots to the door that Podge had guarded. “Maybe I’m not so dumb aftER AAAUGHH - !”

He stepped through the door and fell down a long, dark shaft, the only light above him quickly dwindling as he descended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession, y'all... I still don't fully understand that riddle.


	5. In the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long! I was so busy around the holidays that I hardly had any time to write! I'm hoping to get back on a more regular schedule now :) Hope you enjoy!!!

Taako screamed, free-falling down the shaft, one hand holding tight to the Umbra Staff and the other flailing in the air, grasping for anything to hold onto, to stop his fall. His fingers scrabbled against rough stone, but nothing he could grip, not with how fast he was falling -

In his hand the Umbra Staff began to twitch and then shake, working itself out of his grip until it could unfurl, catching the air and sending Taako upwards a few feet before he began to fall once again, but slowly this time, drifting gently downward. Without his instruction the umbrella had cast _featherfall,_ and none too soon. It felt a little like Lup looking out for him, and though Taako’s heart was still pounding he laughed slightly, squeezing the handle of Lup’s umbrella like he was holding her hand. 

After a few moments of drifting down Taako’s toes finally landed on hard earth again, and the spell dispersed. Taako sat heavily on the dirt floor. It was dark, down here, nearly too dark for his darkvision to penetrate, and  _ cold. _ Not so dumb his ass - he hadn’t even looked beyond the door, hadn’t even considered that the whole game could yet another trick.

He shut his eyes against the dark and hugged the now-folded umbrella to his chest. It felt warm in his hand. “Thanks, sis,” he whispered.

* * *

The image of Taako’s wide-eyed face was clearly shown in one of the many crystal orbs in Kravitz’s chambers. He frowned as he watched the elf, looking around the dark, damp space he had found himself in, struggling to see through the darkness. Though Taako appeared to be trapped, Kravitz was not pleased.

“He’s in the oubliette,” he said, without looking up from the scene before him. Taako looked afraid. Interesting. An elf, naturally imbued with darkvision, afraid of the dark.

There were a few goblins hanging around, and they began to cackle cruelly at Kravitz’s words, dancing about, delighted at Taako’s misfortune. He shot them all a glare, which shut them down.

“Well, that’s good, right?” Barry said, hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders hunched as he peered over Kravitz’s shoulder and looked into the orb.

“Are you that stupid?” Kravitz snapped, sitting up in his throne to turn on Barry. To Barry’s credit, he didn’t even flinch; perhaps he was too accustomed to Kravitz by now. He just stared Kravitz down, the look in his eyes growing harder, but he didn’t say a word and Kravitz paid his anger no mind. “He should never have gotten as far as the oubliette. He should have given up long ago,” he said, turning his attention back to Taako. 

The oubliette was illuminated now, a magical light cast by none other than Merle Highchurch revealing the small space that Taako had found himself trapped in. Good. All according to plan.

Barry shook his head. “Something tells me he’ll never give up. Not for Lup.”

“Won’t he?” Kravitz laughed, but there was no real amusement in it. “Once the dwarf leads him back to the beginning he’ll be disheartened when he realizes he’ll have to start all over.”

Kravitz loved games, gambling, wagers. He was, at heart, competitive. The labyrinth itself was like a board game, one with traps at every turn ready to send you back to the start if you stepped on the wrong square. It was a  _ difficult  _ game, that was the point - but this man, he was breezing through it through sheer determination, even when the game was utterly rigged against him.

He was challenging Kravitz, and Kravitz knew that he was close to taking the bait. No, Taako had to be send back to the beginning before he could become an actual threat. No matter how much Kravitz wanted to see what he was capable of.

The gerblins resumed their uproarious laughter. Beside the throne, Barry Bluejeans stood silent, and refused to join in their evil-hearted merriment.

* * *

Just as Taako’s eyes began to adjust to the darkness of the cell, a bright light flared in front of him, forcing him to shield his eyes against it. “Who’s there?” He blinked.

“Just me,” a gruff, familiar voice replied. As Taako blinked the spots from his eyes, Merle’s face came into view. He offered Taako a serene smile, holding the magical light in the palm of his hand.

“Jeez, warn a guy before you blind him, huh?” Taako rubbed at his eyes.

“You’re welcome!”

“We don’t need it, dumbass! Darkvision! You’re a dwarf!”

“Ah well, nice to see in color though, ain’t it?” 

Very little seemed to be able to dampen Merle’s spirits, gruff as he was. Taako had to admit it was good to see a familiar face, even if they were both trapped in this pit. Now that he could see properly, he saw there there was no door, only cold stone walls, and the hole he had fallen through had somehow closed in the time he had been sitting here. Of course it had. The only think of interest in the room were some kind of vining plants growing up the wall, riddled with vicious looking thorns and thriving down here despite the lack of sunlight - definitely some kind of magic or divine intervention going on there, but Taako wasn’t about to spend his time puzzling over that.

“What are you doing here?” Taako asked, looking back at Merle.. “How did you get in here?”

“Well…” Merle shifted uncomfortably, glancing away. “You know, I could just tell you were going to get in trouble somehow, so I thought, why not offer a helping hand?”

Taako sat up straight. He hadn’t exactly answered Taako’s question, but thoughts of getting out of here and getting on with his quest made him set that aside. “So you’ll help me get to the castle?”

“Pah! Why are you so set on getting to that castle? Nothing but gerblins, gerblins, and more gerblins.” Merle shuddered.

“I really don’t have time for this,” Taako said. “Where are we and how do we get out?” He started going around to the walls, searching for any way out, a hidden door, anything. All he found was a dusty slab of wood and a skeleton lying in the corner, long forgotten. “Oh, Jesus,” Taako yelped, stepping back to stand by Merle.

“D’you know what an oubliette is?” 

_ "Do I know what an oubliette is?" _ Taako mimicked in a high pitched voice. He didn’t, but Merle didn’t know that. “Do you?”

“It’s a place you put people to forget about them.” Merle said grimly.

Taako shivered, though he would never admit it. He could think of few things worse than being forgotten. If he didn’t make it to Lup in time, if he was stuck down here for good, would she forget him too in time? Hell, was Kravitz about to just forget him? Put him through this contest, just to be dumped in here to rot just like whoever that skeleton had belonged to?

Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to believe that. He’d made it so far already. It wasn’t going to end here. Kravitz, with all of his drama and flair (something Taako admired in him) wasn’t going to leave him to rot in a pit; no, he probably had something much more interesting planned for Taako. And despite himself, Taako was curious to see what that would be.

“This is a dangerous place, kiddo,” Merle said, giving Taako a sympathetic look. “I tried to tell you. Sooner you can get out of the labyrinth, the better off you’ll be.”

“I  _ can’t, _ ” Taako said.

“And it just so happens,” Merle said, standing up to his unimpressive height, “that I know a shortcut out of the whole labyrinth from here.”

“No!” He wouldn’t even consider it. “Absolutely not. I’ve come too far, and Lup…”

He missed her. That fact hit him hard; he had been so angry at her, but right now all he wanted was for her to be here. She always looked out for him, and he always did the same, ever since they were kids. Taako hadn’t been the same since  _ Sizzle It Up  _ crashed and burned, but Lup had been there when he came home, had welcomed him back without a second thought. And he hadn’t even gotten the chance to apologize for what he had said - what he had  _ done, _ wishing her away. 

“Kid, it only gets worse from here on in,” Merle said. “You’ve barely even begun.”

“It’s my sister,” Taako said, shaking himself from his thoughts and sitting back down so that he was at eye level with Merle. “Kravitz, the Raven Queen, whatever, they’ve got her up in that fuckin’ castle. He’s going to make me forget about her. I can’t just give up on her now, Merle. I can’t.”

Merle’s expression softened. “Look… you’ve done real well so far. But no one makes it to the center. Not ever.”

“Then I guess I’ll be the first. Think you can get me there?”

“What makes you think I know the way?”

“You said you know the way out,” Taako reminded him. “At least get me out of here, if you can’t take me to the center get me as far as you can and I’ll make it the rest of the way on my own. But I’m not turning back, so if that’s all you’re willing to do then you may as well just leave me in here.”

Merle made a show of hemming and hawing over the decision, but Taako could tell he was trying to keep up his gruff facade more than anything. Finally, he grumbled, “Look, how’s this - I’ll take you as far as I can. Then you’re on your own. Deal?”

Taako rolled his eyes, but he shook Merle’s hand anyway. “Deal. How do we get out of here?”

Merle stood and waddled over to the other side of the dark chamber, over to the mass of vines growing up one wall. Taako watched, baffled, as Merle leaned in close to the plants and said, like he was about to order some girl a drink at a bar, “How  _ you  _ doin’?”

“Uh,” Taako began, but to his shock the leaves of the plants seemed to perk up in interest, stretching toward Merle as he continued to sweet-talk them. He heard some talk of pollen and stamens and then decided to preemptively repress all of the trauma he was currently going through listening to a crunchy old dwarf reveal what was possibly the worst fetish ever. “Oh no, no, gross,  _ ugh, _ ” he groaned, but before he knew it the vines had parted like a thick curtain, revealing an opening in the wall. 

“Thanks, honey,” Merle said to the plant with a wink, and Taako threw up in his mouth. Merle stepped into the newly revealed passage, beckoning for Taako to follow him. “Off we go!”

“I’m dead!” Taako complained, ducking a little to fit through the opening as he trailed behind Merle. “I’m dead and in hell.” 

“Hey, don’t judge!”

“Too late, old man! I’m judging!”

Merle’s light spell turned out to be unnecessary once they were out of the oubliette, as the narrow stone tunnels they found themselves in were lined every ten feet or so with torches that burned continuously. They were dim, but it was enough light to see by as Taako followed Merle - plenty to see the grotesque stone faces carved into the tunnel walls, all wagging tongues and bulging eyes that seemed to - no, they definitely  _ did  _ follow Taako as they walked past, and Taako shivered and tried not to look any of them in the eye. 

“Where are we, anyway?” Taako asked. If his grip on the umbra staff’s handle got a little tighter, well, it wasn’t because this place gave him the creeps or anything. He was Taako,  _ from TV. _ The labyrinth didn’t even know what he had to throw at it yet.

“These tunnels run all over below the labyrinth,” Merle explained. “Gerblins use ‘em a lot, but it’s a good way to get around fast. Gotta be careful, though, they’re about as twisty as the labyrinth itself!”

“Real comforting, Merle.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Merle waved a hand. “I said I know the way, didn’t I? You’ll be fine as long as you stick with me.”

_ "Oh no you won’t!” _

Taako yelped as one of the many faces carved into the walls moved, it’s stone lips grinding together as it spoke in a booming voice. As they walked on the others piped up too, all spouting equally ominous messages:

_ “DON’T GO ON!” _

_ “Turn back while you still can!”  _

_ “This is not the way!” _

_ “Beware… beeewaaaareeee…” _

Taako couldn’t help but put his hands over his ears to try to block them, the voices were so loud they seemed to echo between his ears, all telling him  _ go back, go back! _

But Merle just kept going despite the constant warnings to turn back. “Oh, cut it out,” he said, a hand on his hip and wagging a finger at the stone faces. “They’re just false alarms. Only bother you when you’re on the right track.”

_ “You’re going the wrong way -" _

“Shut it!” Taako snapped.

The stone face didn’t have much of an expression, but it seemed properly admonished when it mumbled,  _ “Jeez. Just doing my job.” _

“You don’t have to do it to us, Carl,” Merle said. “I work here, it’s cool.”

_ “...Can I just do one more? Please? I never get to say it...” _

Merle glanced up at Taako, who just shrugged and waved a hand. Carl cleared his stony throat and boomed dramatically,  _ “FOR THE PATH YOU TAKE WILL LEAD TO CERTAIN DESTRUCTION!” _

Taako clapped as they went on. “A for effort, buddy.”

_ “Thanks! I worked really hard on - oh, you’re leaving. Okay.” _

The other faces settled down, letting them pass by now without deafening them. Merle turned out to be correct about the way the tunnels twisted and turned; before long, Taako realized he wouldn’t be able to find his way back if he tried. Still, the dwarf seemed to know what he was doing, taking each branching path confidently. Water dripped and echoed throughout the narrow space and dusty cobwebs clung to the low ceiling, and every once in a while he thought he could hear voices, but they were too far away to hear clearly. 

“How far until we can get to the surface?” Taako asked, sticking close to Merle. 

“Not too far now. So, wished away your sister, huh?” 

“Nice, Merle. Real tactful.” Taako huffed. It wasn’t like he’d  _ meant  _ to, not that he owed the guy an explanation. He didn’t care much what anyone thought of him - anyone but Lup. Wherever Kravitz was keeping her, she was probably sitting there thinking he had done it on purpose. She might not even know he was trying to get to her. He couldn’t bear that, and he shook his head to escape the thought.

“That’s usually how it goes,” Merle replied with a shrug. “Some kid gets mad at their baby brother or a tired parent gets frustrated with their kid, y’know. Usually it’s a baby, though. Someone young enough to turn into a gerblin.”

“Is that what’s going to happen to Lup?” He couldn’t imagine Lup as one of those horrid little creatures.

“Nah, too old. Kravitz probably has other plans for her.” 

“Not on my watch.” He started to say more, but fell silent as something drifted by his head. It caught Merle’s attention too, making him pause. It looked like a soap bubble, but more solid, somehow, enough to reflect Taako’s face back at him as he watched it drift playfully past them and around a corner - pausing for a moment as if waiting for them to follow like some kind of will-o-the-wisp. 

“Shit,” Merle swore, but Taako was already passed him, following the bubble’s parth. “Kid, wait -”

It was too late. When Taako veered around the corner he was face-to-ludicrously-handsome-face with Kravitz, lifting his hand to catch the bubble as it solidified into one of his crystal orbs. He was in a new outfit, a high-collared leather jacket and leggings that left absolutely  _ nothing  _ to the imagination, hoo boy. Taako swallowed, self-conscious of his mud-scuffed clothes. His grip on the umbra staff tightened, and it seemed to grow warm in his hand.

“Taako,” Kravitz said, with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, lazily passing the crystal from hand to hand. “So good to see you.”

Taako smirked. “Likewise, bone daddy. Nice tights.” 

“How did you like my oubliette?” He didn’t even spare Merle a glance as he came to stand next to Taako, eyes locked on him in a gaze that he swore could see straight through him. Having all of Kravitz’s attention on him made Taako’s mouth go dry. “Comfortable enough for you? You left rather quickly.”

“Oh yeah. Perfect for wasting away until the end of my days. You’re getting a great Fantasy Yelp review after I get out of here, no doubt.”

Kravitz laughed, and only then did he turn to Merle, who flinched and gave a low bow. “Merle Highchurch,” he drawled. “Merrrrllllle fffffuckin’ Highchurch.”

“Didn’t know my middle name was fuckin’,” Merle said with a nervous laugh.

“Could it  _ possibly  _ be that you’re helping this man?” He nodded toward Taako, his voice light and conversational, his eyes cold and sharp.

“Ha… well, you know, help can come in lots of different forms...”

“What about the form where you lead our  _ dear  _ guest to the center of the labyrinth?”

“Ah,” Merle said weakly. “That form.”

“Yes, that one.”

“You’ve got it all wrong, sir!” Merle glanced at Taako. “See, I was leading him back to the beginning!”

“What!? You little fucker!” Taako snarled, but Merle gave him a way too obvious wink.

“Yeah, you know, a little double-cross, making him think I was taking him to the castle when  _ really -” _

Kravitz interrupted him, leaning down close to Merle. “Well. That’s a relief, Merle. Because if I thought you were betraying me - if I thought you might  _ continue to betray me - _ well, I would be forced to dunk you headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench…”

“Alright,” Taako stepped forward as Merle started to tremble. “Lay off him.” He didn’t know what a Bog of Eternal Stench was (though he could hazard a guess) and he didn’t know if Merle was really helping him or not, but either way getting through this labyrinth was his problem, not Merle’s, and Kravitz’s beef was with him.

Kravitz straightened, smiling at Taako with all of his teeth, a look in his eye that made Taako shiver not unpleasantly. They were much closer now and he could feel the cold coming from him. “You’re right, Taako. I’ve been rude. How are you enjoying my labyrinth?”

“Mmm, you want my honest opinion?”

“Please.”

Taako leaned forward. “Piece of cake.”

Kravitz raised his eyebrows, a bright glint in his eye. Ooh, he didn’t like that, Taako thought with a smirk. He wasn’t used to being challenged. “Really.”

“But also like, it’s awful dusty, isn’t it? I mean sheesh, you’d think you could get some of these gerblins to mop once in a while, they don’t have anything better to do than fuck with me. Also, my dude, the  _ glitter.  _ I dig glitter as much as the next twink but you’re on some next level shit, it’s getting in places where the sun don’t shine, you feel?”

Kravitz’s laugh was startled out of him, not forced or calculated but genuine laughter. He composed himself quickly, but Taako grinned at the brief lapse in his performance, the suggestion that he was an actual person with feelings. “Locked up in a dark oubliette and you’re worried about dust.”

“That was nothing,” Taako said, with a confidence he didn’t feel, and he hoped that Kravitz didn’t see through it. “Watch, I’ll have this place solved by lunchtime. I mean, I’m a total idiot and I made it through your shitty door puzzle.”

“Why would you say that about yourself?” Kravitz cocked his head to the side, brow furrowed.

“What?”

“That you’re an idiot. That’s absurd. You’ve gotten farther than - well, anyone I can remember.”

“No shit?” Taako laughed nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. That couldn’t be true. Kravitz was surely trying to flatter him for some reason. But he sounded  _ different,  _ sincere when he hadn’t before.

“I’m impressed.”

“Um.” He didn’t know what to do with the attention that Kravitz paid him, and the way Taako’s name sounded in his accent, it made his cheeks flush. The way it sounded like he really thought Taako was brilliant somehow. He wouldn’t talk like that if he really knew Taako, but still, it was… nice to hear, even from him. “Well, yeah, I’m awesome, natch. Guess you need to amp up your game, handsome.” He grins.

“Hm. Perhaps I do.” Kravitz’s voice had gone soft, and he was like an entirely different person like this. He was taller than Taako in his heeled boots, and Taako blinked up at him, breath caught in his throat.

A loud cough from Merle, forgotten by his side, made Taako realize how close they had gotten, how tight Taako was gripping the handle of the umbra staff, and Kravitz stepped back, his expression growing cold again. Now he looked almost angry, with only Taako to direct that anger towards.

“Why don’t we raise the stakes?”

That clock appeared again, it’s multitude of hands. With a gesture from Kravitz the hour hand turned and turned, Taako’s time running out before his very eyes like water through cupped hands.

“You can’t do that!” He cried, panicked, he still had so far to go and so little time to find Lup. “That’s - that’s cheating, it’s not  _ fair -" _

“Oh? I thought that it was all too  _ easy  _ for you,” Kravitz said, viciously mocking, and the clock vanished. “A piece of cake, you said. Don’t worry, if you need to give up our little friend here will be  _ happy  _ to oblige you.”

He tossed his crystal ball into the air, letting it pop above their heads. The tunnel was plunged into darkness, and Kravitz disappeared with the sound of raven wings fluttering all around them. Taako’s heart pounded, but he forced himself to stay calm, to wait for his darkvision to adjust. And he waited, blinking against the dark. His eyes may as well have been closed, his darkvision wouldn’t penetrate the unnatural darkness. 

“Merle?” Taako’s voice shook, he reached out and managed to brush his fingers against the damp stone wall; god, he prayed that Merle hadn’t disappeared too, that he wasn’t alone, he couldn’t think of anything worse than to be alone and blind -

“I’m here, kiddo,” Merle said, and Taako let out a long breath. “Can you see anything?”

“Nope.”

“Well,” Merle sighed, “you sure got his attention.”


	6. The Way Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle casts Zone of Truth. Taako eats a scone, and gets more helpful (?) advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen. i realize it's been ten (10) calendar months since i updated this. but to be fair, time isn't real!
> 
> anyway i'd been wanting to continue this for a while and i finally got inspired to do it, also i was procrastinating other things it's FINE
> 
> happy thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates it btw!!!

Taako wasn’t used to being completely unable to see in the dark. The idea had always terrified him. The only thing that anchored him was his hand touching the wall, but even that felt like it could fall away at any second. Was this how humans felt _all the time?_

“We have to start moving, kid.”

Taako swallowed, his throat dry, his mouth dry. If he took a step he could walk right into some kind of trap, or worse, just _nothing,_ falling forever. “I can’t,” he whispered, trembling. Kravitz had been able to see into his nightmares just as easily as his dreams and he’d used that to his advantage.

A hand reached out through the darkness, patting Taako’s hip because that’s as high as the dwarf could reach. Taako reached out in turn - one hand still flat against the damp stone wall, the other firmly on Merle’s shoulder. “I know the way,” Merle said. “Been walking these tunnels for years. Just stay close, keep your hand on my shoulder.” His voice carefully level, calm. Like he was talking to a child, which was kind of weird, Merle didn’t seem like the fatherly type. But it did help. As Merle took a careful step forward, so did Taako. He didn’t fall into nothingness.

“Okay?” Merle said.

“What about that light spell?”

“Still up,” Merle replied grimly.

“Shit.” Taako continued to follow, step after tentative, blind step. He wasn’t alone, and having proof of that, just having a hand on Merle, made the darkness less horrible _._ “How are you so chill about this?”

Merle chuckled. “Lost my darkvision ages ago. ‘Bout the same time I lost my eye. Sucks, but you make do. Now, let’s see... Kravitz’s spell is more powerful than mine but it can’t last forever… ah, here we go...”

It seemed to take forever but they came to the edge of the spell’s radius eventually. By contrast darkvision was practically blinding; Taako blinked a few times to adjust, glancing back behind them. It was like a wall of shadow, impenetrable, and the power of Kravitz’s magic thrummed within it. At least it had a limit. He shivered and turned back to whatever had caught Merle’s attention.

“This’ll lead us up to the surface,” he explained, gesturing at a rickety wooden ladder that reached up and up out of Taako’s range of vision. Taako eyed it skeptically; it seemed like it would crumble at the slightest weight. Sure enough, as Merle hefted himself onto it, it swayed slightly.

“Hold up,” Taako said, crossing his arms. “You really think I’m just gonna follow you up there? I told you, Taako ain’t giving up. I’m not going back to the beginning.”

“I wasn’t going to! I told Kravitz that to throw him off, you know, little double-cross. It's _clever._ ”

“How the hell am I supposed to believe you?”

Merle pondered this for a moment, then said, “Good point. I cast Zone of Truth!”

“What the fuck,” Taako said, just as the spell settled over him - a different sort of feeling than Kravitz’s magic, or even Taako’s own, a benevolent sort of force rather than the raw and dark power that still exuded from Kravitz’s orb of darkness behind them.  He tried to resist it automatically, but he was too late, it had caught him off guard. “Dude, come _on._ ”

“I didn’t resist it. Taako,” Merle said, looking him right in the eyes. “I am not leading you back to the beginning of the labyrinth.”

“But you’re fuckin’ - you _work for that asshole,_ you called him sir and everything.”

“ _Everyone_ down here works for him, kid. Shitty job market. Doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

Taako huffed, glancing back and forth between the ladder at it reached above their heads and the ominous darkness still lingering behind them. “Well, guess I don’t have a choice,” he muttered, and began to follow Merle as he ascended the ladder. It felt like it would fall apart under his hands, but it held, as long as he moved slow. “How much farther till we make it to the castle, d’you think?”

“Depends where we come out. And what Kravitz’s next move is. Not that he’ll be too hard on you. Oh, by the way, don’t look down.”

Taako, of course, looked down, and though it felt like they had barely begun to climb he could no longer see the floor below, nor the ceiling above. He sucked in a breath, feeling for the umbra staff hanging at his hip. “Not too hard on me my ass,” he said, trying to slow the pounding of his heart. “He stole my sister, what the fuck are you talking about.”

“Nah, he likes you, I can tell. Guy could’ve thrown anything at you; the cleaners, the fierys... but he wants to keep playing his game. I can’t lie, remember?”

If Kravitz liked him, he had a funny way of showing it. Taako laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, whatever.” He kept his mouth shut, though. He didn’t want the spell to pull anything embarrassing out of him, like how he was still thinking about how soft Kravitz’s eyes had gotten when he looked at Taako, how sincere he had sounded when he’d insisted Taako wasn’t stupid.

He focused on climbing. No way in hell would he develop a crush on that shitlord, not even if his face looked like it was carved from marble and he looked at Taako like he was something really, truly impressive. He had other things to worry about. Like getting to that castle, getting to Lup, in half as much time as he should have had.

The ladder seemed to stretch into infinity, but eventually they reached a round opening in the ceiling, the light that hadn’t been visible from the tunnels now bright. Merle hefted himself up, then extended an arm to help Taako climb over the rim of what appeared to be a large vase in the center of a lush courtyard, surrounded by walls of hedges that rose above their heads. The sun was still high overhead but lower than it felt like it should have been, time manipulated at Kravitz’s whim.

“Alright,” Taako clapped his hands, in a better mood now that they were out of the dark, dank tunnels. “Which way to the castle? Time’s a’wastin’.”

“Now hold on just a second,” Merle said. He looked a little winded from the climb, wiping his brow.

“Tired, old man? Can’t keep up?”

“Listen,” Merle began. “Kid, Kravitz already stole half your time and he barely gave you enough as it was. That ain’t the worst he can do to you if you keep pissing him off.”

“So what?” Taako snapped. He barely looked at Merle, inspecting the hedges and the various paths from the courtyard, trying to glean any sort of indication of which path to take. Predictably, they all looked identical.

“I’m just saying, offer is still open, I can take you back to the beginning any time you want. Not much worse than getting stuck here.”

Taako spun around to face him. “You said you weren’t leading me back to the beginning!”

“And I wasn’t lying! But at some point you have to admit when something’s a lost cause!”

“Lup wouldn’t,” Taako said. “If it was me trapped in that castle she would never give up, and neither will I. You know what I think? I think you’re a coward, and Kravitz scares you.”

“You’ve got me there,” Merle agreed.

“Well, I’m not.” This was a lie, but he was trying to think the way Lup would if she were in his position. Lup was smart, and brave, and strong. She would burn the whole damn place down if she had to. “And no one’s making you go any further. Actually, you know what? Just get out of here already if you’re not going to be useful!”

Merle looked sad for a moment, but he shook his head, threw up his hands, turning away. “Fine! Don’t listen to the guy who’s been stuck down here for ages, no, I don’t have a clue how things work here!”

“I don’t need your help!” Taako shouted after him, but he was already out of sight, waddling down one of the paths. “I’ll make it on my own,” he muttered. He didn’t need Merle by his side. He didn’t need _anyone_ who was going to keep dragging him down, anyone he couldn’t trust not to turn him around. For all he knew Merle was still planning to trick him anyway.

There was truly no distinguishing between the four different paths, but he could see the spires of the castle toward the east, so he trudged in that direction. Doubtless it would take him the wrong way, but he didn’t have much else to go on. He took random turns, lefts and rights, and eventually came back to the same crossroads - the vase in the center identical. Rolling his eyes, but determined not to get frustrated, he chose another path.

Once again, a few minutes later he found himself back at the crossroads.

“Alright,” he groans, “what the literal fuck.”

“Would you like a scone, dear?”

Taako startled, turning around. Sitting on a rock by one of the hedge walls was the tiniest, oldest woman he’d ever seen. Her hair was bright white and she wore a patchwork skirt, her eyes disappearing into her wrinkled little face when she beamed up at him. At her feet was a little wicker basket, filled with mouthwatering scones.

“They’re not cursed or anything, are they?” He asked, taking a few cautious steps closer. Nothing was how it seemed in this place, he knew that by now, but she honestly just looked like a nice old lady. And he was _starving._ "Not poisoned?"

The woman laughed. “Oh, no, just scones. One copper for a scone.”

Taako hesitated a moment, then shrugged, digging some change out of his pocket. “Sure, hit me with one of those bad boys.”

She took the cooper, and he took a scone from the basket, sitting down cross-legged in front of her. The bake was perfect, firm on the bottom and soft on the top, and he realized how hungry he really was once he started eating.

“My name is Paloma,” the woman said as Taako ate. “I deal in scones. And also prophecies.”

Taako raised his eyebrows, swallowing down a mouthful before he spoke. “Prophecies, huh?”

“Yes. I see the paths you might take. I help guide the way.”

“Well, I’m sure as hell not making any progress now,” he sighed. Trust Merle to leave him at a dead end.

“I can help,” Paloma said firmly, patting his hand. “No tricks. One gold for a prophecy is fair, yes?”

“Shit, yeah, if it’s actually helpful. Why not?”

She held out her hand, wrinkled palm up, and waited. Taako shrugged, pulling a gold coin out of his pocket for her. It couldn’t hurt to give these prophecies a try. After pocketing the coin Paloma reached into a bag at her side, carefully taking something out which she held out to him in the palms of her hands. It shone like a diamond, teardrop shaped and shimmering not unlike Kravitz’s crystals. These didn’t give him the same feeling like he was being watched, though, only that they radiated with powerful magic. Paloma tapped the crystal with the tip of her finger and it shattered in Taako’s hand, leaving drops of silver on his hands and on the ground, a gust of smoke appearing where it had been. Paloma’s eyes turned white and her head fell back as she looked at the sky.

As she spoke her voice changed - deeper, and like many voices were speaking through her. _“Sometimes the way forward is also the way back.”_

Taako waited. Paloma slowly returned to normal, eyes back to strikingly dark brown, and she smiled at him pleasantly.

“And that means…?” Taako prompted. With all the drama he’d just expected… more. Preferably some specifics.

“Oh, I do not know,” Paloma shrugged. “Probably exactly what it says.”

Taako closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. Of course. “Yeah, great.” He began to stand, but Paloma’s hand shot out and grabbed his, holding him back.

“Wait!”

When Taako looked back he was startled to see that her eyes had gone white again, just like before. In that same strange, otherworldly voice she spoke again, looking directly into his eyes. _“You will have a choice to make. Remember: there is always a third option!”_

The fingers around his wrist finally loosened their vice grip and Paloma slumped back, this prophecy seeming to tire her out. Still she offered him a smile and held the basket out to him. “That one is free. You need to hear it. Now, you must find her. She will find you first if you don’t hurry!”

Taako’s heart leapt. “You know about Lup?”

“Hurry now! Remember the prophecies!”

She shooed him away before he could ask any more questions, ushering him across the little courtyard like there was some sudden urgency. With a frustrated sigh - but knowing he at least had something to go on, even if it was maybe bullshit, he chose a path - the one vaguely in the direction of the castle - pondering the witch’s words as he went. _Sometimes the way forward is also the way back._ What the hell was that supposed to even mean? If it meant anything.

 _Exactly what it says,_ Paloma had said. Maybe he just had to be _so_ logical about it that he cycled back around to illogical. Which, admittedly, seemed par for the course around here. Feeling utterly stupid, Taako stopped before he could get any further down the path, before it could turn him back around to the beginning again. And then he turned around and began walking the path backwards, glancing behind him to keep an eye out for any loose stones or roots to trip on.

This time, he could have sworn that the path took longer before it turned around. And when he took a turn, still stepping awkwardly backwards, he finally found himself in a new part of the maze. Taako laughed out loud, shaking his head. Exactly what it meant, indeed.

Maybe Kravitz wasn’t too far off, he allowed himself to think for a self-indulgent moment. Maybe he was clever enough for this.

* * *

Taking the maze backwards was slower going, but at least Taako felt like he was making some progress now. This part of the labyrinth, despite being out in the open air rather than underground, was eerily quiet. Before he’d heard the stray bird chirping, a gerblin just out of eyesight cackling at his misfortunes, someone laughing at him. Now the stones were still, the air dead. There was something cruelly beautiful about this place, Taako realized, something so strange and _other_ and nothing like the world that Taako knew, but so full of magic that it crackled through everything. In a way he itched to figure out it’s secrets, for more time to understand the strange creatures that lived here.  If he wasn’t so desperate to find Lup, if they wouldn’t be trapped here.

His thoughts were interrupted by a glint of light out of the corner of his eyes.

Another one of those bubbles, drifting through the air - _following_ him, staying just out of sight. He acted like he didn’t see it for a little while, kept walking, until it dared to draw closer, and then Taako snatched it from the air. He half expected it to pop in his hand, but now that he was holding it, it was solid crystal.

“Gotcha,” he said with a grin, peering into it. It wasn’t clear anymore, sort of foggy inside. “You in there, Skeletor? I know you’re watching.”

It took a moment, as if hesitant, but the swirling fog in the crystal parted, and he could see Kravitz’s stupid handsome face in the crystal. Smirking at him, amused by the whole thing. “Ah, Taako. What a pleasure.”

“I’m sure it is.” Taako tossed the crystal up and down as he continued walking, keeping an ear out for trouble. “You could just come say hello, don’t have to be creepin’ on me.”

“I wouldn’t think you’d be so unwise as to challenge me again.”

“Not a challenge, homie, just bored.” Taako came to a crossroads, where one path seemed relatively clear and the other was riddled with fallen branches and rocks to climb over. He was loathe to do any more work than necessary, but he chose the path with more obstacles. He really felt like he was finally getting the hang of things. “Your dwarf buddy went ahead and fucked off, as I’m sure you already know.”

“What a pity, it seemed you two were becoming bosom companions.”

“Gag.” Kravitz chuckled at that, and Taako couldn’t help but smile too.

He expected Kravitz to let the bubble pop, to leave Taako alone again, but for whatever reason he stayed on the line. Taako knew that it probably wasn’t smart to keep holding onto the crystal. He was essentially _letting_ Kravitz spy on him, and he needed every advantage. He _should_ smash it right now. But on the other hand - Kravitz could fuck with the Labyrinth, and _him,_ at any time. He probably had dozens of the crystals to send out. He wasn’t giving Kravitz any advantage that he didn’t already have, and it was nice to not walk in silence anymore.

“Am I getting warmer, Bones?” Taako asked, looking at Kravitz in the crystal. “Any closer at all?”

Kravitz laughed. “Oh, nothing is so linear in a place like this.”

“Worth a shot.” Taako let his hand trail against the wall as he walked to check for hidden openings, but his fingers just came away covered in glitter. Kravitz was certainly committed to a certain aesthetic. “So you built this whole place, huh? Cause it looks… ancient.”

“Because it is. The labyrinth has been here far longer than I. But I’ve had a very long time to perfect it. Fine-tune each and every trap.” Kravitz leaned forward almost eagerly. “I trust it’s up to your exacting standards.”

Taako had to wonder why Kravitz would care what _he_ thought of the place. Maybe just to make it easier to torment him. His thoughts wandered to Merle’s words earlier, _he likes you,_ and he pointedly ignored them. What did Merle know anyway? “Thing is,” Taako said wryly, swinging a leg over a fallen branch and continuing on, “if offer any more feedback you’ll just make things tougher, and I really _will_ be needing my sister back. Though I suppose I’m already headed into an impossible deathtrap.”

“Oh, never impossible. It’s always _possible_ to make it through. Whether you do or not is up to you.”

“And what’s really waiting for me at the center?” He had come to another hedged section of the maze now, and tried in vain to peer through the thick brush, or climb up over the hedges, but they were covered in tiny, barbed thorns, so he quickly gave up on that endeavor.

Kravitz smirked. Taako really, _really_ hated how hot that looked on him. “Now, what would be the fun in telling you that?”

“I’m just getting the feeling that the way through the labyrinth was inside me the whole time or some bullshit. But I do appreciate your dedication to drama.”

“Give me some credit, dear - no one’s ever gotten to the center before, I’ve had a lot of free time to plan it out.”

“Free time you spend stealing people. Such a cool, fun hobby,” Taako said. He had to remember that. Had to remember that even if he enjoyed talking to Kravitz, even if he found some fun in this challenge, some fascination with this strange and terrible and beautiful place, if he didn’t win he would lose Lup. This was just a game to Kravitz, but not to Taako.

Kravitz watched him a moment, face carefully neutral. Now that the fog in the crystal had cleared Taako could see more of the scene - mostly Kravitz’s face, but seemed to be sitting on a throne of some kind, built out of bone. “I only do what I’m asked, Taako,” he said, oddly serious. “Rules are rules.”

Taako couldn’t even argue that, though he wanted to. He _had_ asked for Lup to be taken - even if he hadn’t intended for it to happen. The intent didn’t matter, just the request, the right words spoken, and Kravitz and his gerblins had carried out his wish.

He had asked for her back, too, and he was being given that chance.

Before he or Kravitz could speak again, an enraged shout rang out from nearby, along with the clang of metal and the gleeful shrieks that could only come from a gerblin. Kravitz’s brow furrowed in worry, and he leaned forward, as if to look around for the source of trouble. “What was -”

“Smell ya later, my man,” Taako interrupted, and tossed the crystal into one of his component pouches. It barely fit, but it would do. The gerblins on the other side of the hedges sounded absolutely delighted. And if Taako had learned anything about this place, it was that when a gerblin was pleased with the situation, it couldn’t mean anything good.

He hesitated. Whatever was going on up ahead wasn’t really his problem, he could just… ignore it. It would be shitty, but hey, he was on a tight schedule. But as he was struggling with the decision, the voice called out again - this time, calling for help.

“Son of a bitch,” Taako huffed, and made his way toward the sound.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: "Outside Over There" is the title of the Maurice Sendak book that Labyrinth was inspired by! Check it out if you can find it, I'm pretty sure it was banned at some point for being too creepy.
> 
> First chapter is a little short but this seemed like an appropriately dramatic place for a cliffhanger - next one is already looking like it'll be quite a bit longer.
> 
> Labyrinth holds very special place in my heart, so I'm really excited about working on this, my first real multi-chapter thing in ages. Hopefully I can do it justice and it all makes sense??? I'm trying to find fun ways to blend the two canons, so lots of things won't quite match up to the movie or the podcast but hopefully it'll be a fun mix. No idea yet how long it will end up yet, but hopefully I can update regularly! Please hit me up on tumblr at @androidsfighting to chat with me about Taakitz, Labyrinth, or ideas/feedback on this AU (like, how to tag it? at all? I'm sure I'll add things as I go). I'm open to all of it, and I'm always so inspired by the feedback I get from you guys <3 Really keeps me wanting to write!
> 
> (Not abandoning Never Let Me Go, of course - I can't get enough of those good good boys.)


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